Thursday, May 31, 2007
Sunday, May 27, 2007
I walk in the rain and I walk down memory lane ...years younger as I tug at the rain laden leaves to shower rain on me .I let the rain purge my soul , drown my worries and wash my memories
Its raining in bangalore ... Its beautiful and I dont want to let go this moment .I love life ...I've thown caution to the winds...I want to feel every moment of my life and live it ..
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Everyone was around her …and yet she felt alone . She was loved and cared for and yet she felt lost and lonely , weak and vulnerable, confused and hurt
She felt like screaming aloud. The silence ripped through her throat , She screamed silently – again and again
I could hear her screams ..I tried reaching out to her … She has everything and yet she is on the verge of losing everything
She needs a grip. I am still trying to hold on to her
The candle flickered . Like her mind. She looked inward for a moment - a captive of her own emotions and actions . …is she answerable to anyone ?
She looked at herself again – another persona emerged. Someone she could not recognize, understand or condone .
The choices were in front of her .She knew that she had to kill the other to live her life again .
Love is a conflict between reflexes and reflections . She had read that somewhere . She read it again in her life now .
She made the choice. She now needs to live with it - to live with herself again
I often ask myself what I'm afraid of - people, places, the unfamilar, a sound, a thought ... .
I've been afraid of ghosts since I was a kid , I'm still scared of sounds, I avoid horror movies...
I'm scared of the dark shadows, of darkness ..
I'm also afraid of greed, of power , of ambition and of praises ..Its an unnerving feeling .
I'm afraid of silence . I'm scared of being alone .
I have also had my silly fears . I'm scared of lizards, dogs, of geysers and strange bathrooms, of lifts and creaking staircases .
But amidst all these I'm scared of my failures , my thoughts ,my actions . I'm scared to face myself .
I will wake up early tomorrow
my day will be good
there is no traffic on the roads
I'm doing the right thing
I will say the right thing
the bud will bloom
I have a good sense of humour
I am missing something
I am good
I am considered good
it will rain tomorrow
I can control my emotions
My judgement is right
I will laugh tomorrow
there are no cribs
I will get a migraine
the book will be read at all
I have friends
I will lose weight
I can actually start learning to trust people
My laptop will work
I will get the right people
I am pretending
I can control myself
I believe in myself
I'm taken for granted
My plans will work
It will be cold
I am overreacting
I can stop SMSg
Sleep well tonight
I will stop feeling the way I am feeling
I can ever get over it
there are solutions
I'm fighting the battle alone
Sunday, May 20, 2007
She smiled, as the moon fought its way out from the clouds. To her , it was a personal victory. Clouds of memories had choked her, as she struggled to shrug them off. The moon stood alone in its brilliance .The pursuit was in vain. She will not let her past catch up with her .
The voices kept recurring. They were ghosts haunting her from the recesses of her mind. Piercing the gentle breeze, there were like car horns shrieking through the silent road. It was the sea that had toned her down. Restless waves bathed her mind –life cannot always flow, there has to be an ebb sometime. She leaned on the rocks. The water tickled her feet . She recreated the scene in her mind.
She had almost hurt herself that night . He had been right behind her. And yet, he had walked ahead as she called out to him. “Surely, you can manage on your own, “ he had said . She had by then recovered from her fall. She smiled, looking at the thin outline of the moon . It was that look… She thought it was forever . The moon slipped again. This time, she knew it will take a long time to emerge from the clouds. He will never be with her again.
The veil soon lifted itself. The waves were hitting an all time high . Swept with passion, the foam caressed the surface, lashing at the waves. Raw and rhythmic . To her, it was a mere ritual. She likened herself to the rocks, locked in an embrace that had freed itself a long time ago. She watched as love retreated; yet another relationship cracked on the rocks . Strangers replaced friends who had become strangers and the cycle repeated itself. She thought for a moment .
The crab had climbed onto the rock. They had heard the splash together. The crab had lost its hold. They had forgotten about it. He had brought her to see the crab. The crab, was there bathed in moonlight . Relationships, she realized are often like that – the essence forgotten , the joy of being there, together gone . It was all in the mind, he had said. They met, very often, in groups. But the crab swam, forgotten.