Tuesday, December 31, 2013

And a new month, a year and a decade begins

In a few hours, a new day will dawn, bringing with it, the promise of a new year. And in a few days, a new decade will dawn in my life as I bid goodbye to the vibrant 30s of my life. Personally 2013 was mired in disappointments. I spent much of it in pain and in dealing with pain. I also spent much of it fathoming the meaning of the words, "helpless" and "futile." But among other things, as I went through the throes of pain, I saw the superficiality and hollowness of people close to you- those whom we call family and friends. But I also learnt that its the best way to deal with them as well . I cut them from my life, without any remorse, without any conflicts, without any emotion. There was no hurt. Just a quick realization and an immediate action post the same. However, what caused me immense pain was not just physical or about people. It was the realization that certain decisions made or not made a few years ago had led to certain irrevocable personal decisions. I also felt for the first time, an absence of a guiding force and I felt the need to surrender to the higher forces in search of answers. I also realized how cocky we are in the face of success and how insignificant we are when faced with adversity. And I learnt to accept. That certain problems have no solutions. That certain wishes cannot be fulfilled. That certain phases of life has to be lived and dealt with and that one has to move on, keep trying and give up when the spirit gives up.

I am learning the art of silence , to staying focussed and disciplined. To cutting off all the frills from life. To chop off all the pseudos and pretentious folks from my world. To read and realize the immense potential in life. To try new things. To let go of fear. To keep smiling. To being minimalistic. To persevere. And to acknowledge that there is a force above you watching over your tiny insignificant ego.

Wish you all a very happy new year. And wishing myself a happy birthday in advance. 

Friday, December 27, 2013

Life comes full circle - what I learnt in 2013

Another four days to go for this year to end. I am not really sad to see it go, but it taught me a few things about life, people around me and about myself. I confronted some of my darkest thoughts, disappointments, failures and fears this year and yet, I have learnt to live with them. I saw life come full circle this year and it made me realize that we all sail through life pursuing just materialistic and traditional pleasures only to realize that fate can cruelly ensure that you never get to experience them. I saw one upmanship in its worst form, threatening to destroy fabrics of relationship that have been around for years. I saw at one end people climbing up the social ladder, both online and offline and kicking out people who do not matter to them. I saw at the other end people fighting for their lives, dodging death and defeat and surviving. I saw pain and pleasure as my bed fellows, taking turns to occupy my mind. I saw the dirty face of insecurity when its mask slipped away from the faces of people . I saw the smirk of ego, causing chaos everywhere.  And yet, I was at a strange phase, learning to accept and trying hard let go. I tried to remove the negativity around me - in my head, in my area, in the family, in the social circle. I was learning the art of silence, the ability to float through various phases of emotions and the roles they played in our lives. I was learning to be a recluse in a crowd.
I was sometimes the participant, sometimes the observer.