Monday, November 2, 2009

Nostalgia

I met a college friend yesterday after a gap of nearly 12 years and we created quite a riot.Needless to say, we cracked up over men and matters, women and their foibles and people who had walked in and out of our lives. We spent some time remembering "our aunty" who took care of us, even though we were just PGs ..and we wondered how we managed to retain our sanity in that mad world called media , in a chaotic city called Bombay, which was then home to us;we were the homeless, trying to seek a career and an identity.. For many years, after I left Bombay, I always felt that I carried a part of it in me and I often attribute the city for moulding me and giving me a sense of confidence and individuality..anyways thats for another post..

Coming back to yesterday's evening, we drifted into a blissful past where responsibility just meant to keep our heads above trouble, learning a bit about our careers and people who shaped our careers and to maintain a simple lifestyle with a measly salary . Yet, we were fiercely independent, keen on charting our own destinys and yet learning to enjoy life and its moments..We were a bit naive, says my friend . Not like today's generation, I agree, even though they are probably a decade or more younger than us. And yet, I believe that in our innocence, was our maturity..we were not so insecure, not yet bitten by peer pressure, no wannabe lifestyles for us, no uncalled for attitude . Silent and determind, mad in our own way,we were probably learning to balance a career with independence.We were at the age where we were learning to differentiate between boyfriends and friends who were boys, understanding that flings are not relationships and we were quick to pick up the pieces and move on... We didnt fall by the wayside, yet were grounded enough to realize that ambition was made of sterner stuff and we lived our life according to our terms

The evening passed and with it, a montage of life during the last decade. A decade that was probably a lifetime to us. The vignettes from our past took us on a heady journey where we were on a high and yet not drunk. We were sailing, flying and buzzing past life and yet, when the evening ended, life came back to a standstill. A full stop in many ways. And thats why I say nostalgia is a dangerous thing. It takes you to a real world, a world that features you and yet, a world that you will probably never see again . It hurts even more if its a happier world. It is illusionary, yet not an illusion but it creates a void. Nostalgia chases you all the time..If its a happy memory, we cling to it and are unable to let go. If its sad, well, you dont even want to think about it, even if nostalgia catches up with you . It sends you into a fool's paradise and then takes you down teary lanes and makes you wake up to emptiness.Ultimately it leads you nowhere..

6 comments:

Bishwanath Ghosh said...

Nostalgia is a permanent bank balance that never gets depleted. It should make you feel rich and not miserable. You are what you are because of those days, aren't you?

Lakshmi said...

BG - It is not making me feel miserable..its just that its a dangerous thing...the rich feeling is a temporary thing and then you are back to where you are started

lookingwithin said...

Lakshmi I agree with you...nostalgia is a dangerous thing...especially the memories of the carefree college and post college life...the early years of struggle and triumphs...of friends and confidants...

Its like an addiction...its a wonderful feeling...once you get into that mode and come out then you long to go back to reminiscing the old times...you revel the temporary feelings it creates..

But anyways I guess its better to have to memories and suffer nostalgia than have no memories at all..

Lakshmi said...

I agree...but you get what you mean na..its not a real thing, although its sthg that happenned in your life..therein lies the paradox :)

gils said...

!!!! first time hearing such things abt nostalgia!! //nostalgia is a dangerous thing...especially the memories of the carefree college and post college life..//

ithelaam tooomuchu

Lakshmi said...

@gils - try thinking you will be in college forever..im sure you will feel a bit low realizing that phase will never come back