Wednesday, January 16, 2008

She ..

Her eyes looked vacantly into space. The world no longer embraced her. It stared right back at her, almost accusingly . She stood transfixed for a moment , paralysed.

She could almost feel the silence, cold and oppressive engulfing her .The skies were no longer blue- just harsh , blinding her. There was something more than silence. She felt it, but did not know what it was. The murmurs had begun. Something crept on her arms .Its out to get you , the voices said . She shivered a bit, turned abruptly. There was nothing.

She was incapable of thought or action. The air grew thicker. She closed her eyes tightly . She tried to hear her own mind.There was silence ..she opened her mouth to scream . A sigh emerged. A weak voice from inside. She pressed her ears hard, turned inward ..concentrate , she urged . Deep breaths. A beating heart. Silence . She gave up.

The vacuum had sucked her out. Life, energy, thoughts. She was breathing . But not living .

16 comments:

chitrakrishna said...

I like the way you have explained the still life in the person life.continue writing........

Solitaire said...

Your write up reminds me of the song, "It only hurts when I'm breathing".

RustyNeurons said...

Ah! this is depressing.. I hope this is just fiction :(

Anjuli said...

this was really sad and depressing....can we bring colour in her life somehow?

'coz I know its a work of fiction, so thats not very difficult, hai na?

dharmabum said...

silence is oppressive only to the mind that is not tuned to it. what do u think?

"SunShine" said...

I agree it has gray shades. but as a literary piece it is amazing. drawing those gray shades loved it :-)

Manjari said...

touching story.. as there was a time when I felt exactly the same

GMG said...

Breathing but not living? Probably stuck somewhere, transformed into a sedentary...
Have a great weekend!
Gil

backpakker said...

Chitra -Thanks..

Solitaire - True..

Rusty -Its fiction..was trying to describe a moment when there is no purpose and the wheels of life continue..and a person is not motivated to do anything

Anjuli - Need to find the reason that will bring colour..can u suggest any ? Its fiction..

Dharmabum-silence is not oppressing at all..but when one person has no purpose, when life is at a dead end, where there is stillness and silence..then ...

sunshine -thanks..I like to explore grey areas

manjari - thanks..so you can identify with the situation..glad you came out of it

gil - true..sedentary lifestyle can lead to just existing and not living ...the key word i would say is "stuck "

Compassion Unlimitted said...

very nicely expressed..we all go thru it..only that whoever is able to shake it off fast goes thru to the success phase..

it reminds me of a famous saying..Even death is not a great loss.The greatest loss is what dies inside us even when we are alive and breathing...

so live every moment

TC
CU

mayz said...

first...really like the way u have used the third person perspective...gives the narration an external view which makes it more real n gives a sense of depth...
secondly totally love d different emotions portrayed to arrive at the last line...which in itself says so much in 6 words!!!
vy few times have i come across smthn which is sad n yet beautiful at the same time...lovely!!!

Aaarti said...

A very interesting piece... Each and every word carries strong powerful emotions in them.. lovely~~~

sad and beautiful.. esp the last few words~~
:)

mayz said...

was goin thru ur other posts...u writin is so heartfelt...addin u to my blogroll

dharmabum said...

no purpose?

i had read someplace -

"the very fact that you are alive and breathing, means you still have a purpose"

Mansi Trivedi said...

You are a beautiful writer. :)

Ashu said...

hey girl, uu got a grreat blog :)