Life comes full circle - what I learnt in 2013

Another four days to go for this year to end. I am not really sad to see it go, but it taught me a few things about life, people around me and about myself. I confronted some of my darkest thoughts, disappointments, failures and fears this year and yet, I have learnt to live with them. I saw life come full circle this year and it made me realize that we all sail through life pursuing just materialistic and traditional pleasures only to realize that fate can cruelly ensure that you never get to experience them. I saw one upmanship in its worst form, threatening to destroy fabrics of relationship that have been around for years. I saw at one end people climbing up the social ladder, both online and offline and kicking out people who do not matter to them. I saw at the other end people fighting for their lives, dodging death and defeat and surviving. I saw pain and pleasure as my bed fellows, taking turns to occupy my mind. I saw the dirty face of insecurity when its mask slipped away from the faces of people . I saw the smirk of ego, causing chaos everywhere.  And yet, I was at a strange phase, learning to accept and trying hard let go. I tried to remove the negativity around me - in my head, in my area, in the family, in the social circle. I was learning the art of silence, the ability to float through various phases of emotions and the roles they played in our lives. I was learning to be a recluse in a crowd.
I was sometimes the participant, sometimes the observer.

Hello darkness, my old friend

"Hello Darkness, my old friend, I have come to talk with you again.. "

Listen to S&G,  I realize I was in that phase again. The laughter, the sunshine, the burst of energy, the monkeying around, the lively trips - suddenly they all seem to be locked inside a kaleidoscope which is visible only if I look at it. And then when I shut it, its just the Sound of Silence.'

No wonder my mind resonates with that song.

I am not depressed or exhausted  . But just in a withdrawal phase. Silent. Inactive. Words cannot express my state of mind. Its when you feel everything stands still and yet you move along with the phase of life, doing the things you have to do, saying the things you want to say..yet there is a part that is cocooned and silent and still. The word is stillness not even silence, because even in silence there is music, but in this phase, it just stands still.